as many / all of you know i'm disabled & have had a lot of crap happen in the past (like motorbility taking my car away) but, today i received a pendant (connected to Carelink (a warden service)) personally i don't use the carelink system because i don't want to bother anyone, in the past when i've fallen while transferring to my bed & broke my ankle or something, i didn't use carelink because i figured, it'll still be broke tomorrow this didn't make sense to me because i'm used to crap happening & i know how to deal with the crap that happens but i don't know how to deal with "good" stuff happening, i could list loads of stuff that have happened recently, but, knowing me, i'd forget some important stuff the more opinions i get about this the better i've found myself having to re-assess everything e.g. maybe one day i will be married or have a gf & life could possibly be good for a change please post your opinions, as i want as many opinions as possible, because this doesn't make any sense to me, so, obviously i'm confused, TIA
Donkey, i'm not completely sure what your asking, but i have the same mentality you do as far as bothering people goes. For the good, from all that i have learned, good things don't seem to stay around for to long so just live in the moment and soak em up while there around and if they do last, you'll just have enjoyed everything that much more.
well, let me explain, for about 2 weeks now, i've had a new carer & she appears to be like me (too nice for her own good) and on Monday i received a Carelink pendant (which costs £80 to buy, but apparently i am entitled to) this made me think, that i am a part of life , i've always being sure that i was destined to always be alone, but, receiving the pendant & loads of other stuff, has convinced me that maybe my new carer is the 1 for me , but, i don't know, i have considered proposing marriage, but, that idea has me scared sh1tless, and the fact that she already has a partner, basically, i don't know what to do, so, i've being doing nothing because it's just the safer option BTW: she has said that there is no spark left in her current relationship, what should i do ? all input welcome, the more opinions the better
Well most people would say that you should not take the easy path by doing nothing it won't get you anywhere, you just end up thinking too much about does she like or not so it's not worth doing nothing just take a risk. But i hope you don't take this the wrong way i don't mean any rudeness to you but it seems to me like you're using your disabilities as an excuse for you being single or having no hope of finding that special someone. Well i think that's rubbish in my opinion everyone has that special someone but you just have to go and find him/her, people give up by saying o well I'm too ugly or fat etc and stay single for rest of their lives. I guess what I'm trying to say is that you should just have a chat with her, tell her how you feel and find out if she has the same feelings towards you, if not then you can't do much but at least you would know. As the saying goes (there's plenty of fish in the sea) so try again until you find her. I think it's better if you confront her and she rejects you then you doing nothing. Btw just one little detail i couldn't understand properly maybe i read it wrong. Have you only met her for two weeks and you considering on proposing or is that wrong???
thats true :agree: yes, she's only worked for me for about two weeks, i'm not considering proposing, it's just crap floating round my stupid head[ot]& you know how stupid my head / memory can be[/ot]but, after your excellent advice, i'll talk to her tomorrow BTW: thankies, i really appreciate the advice Edit: BTW: i'm scared sh1tless now, thank you [ot]kidding[/ot]
i don't mean i feel a lot for her, but, i can see the potential in her / us thank you, i hope all goes well too[ot]donkey gives Pimp a big hug :hug:[/ot]
Yeah, donkey, theres a couple ways you could go about this, for the most part i agree with pimp, but also, it might not be a bad idea to just let things play out a little. I have jumped into situations like that way more than i should have, just because i've miss read a situation. SO, you have to decide here, and on the real, she is in a relationship, whether or not its dead, she is still in a relationship. So, it might be a good idea to go slow with this, just get to know her a little bit more. That you you might get a better feel for the situation, whether she likes you, or is just being nice. HOWEVER, you can take pimps route rate now and just get it out of the way and off your mind, but seriously, just try to be calm, don't freak out, have a general idea of what you want to say but don't try to memorize something you want to repeat, it will probably come out all garbled, and she will just be like what???? HAHA, i've done that a couple times... Yeah, so, on that, not trying to discourage you, just giving you some options.
well, Swansen, you know better than anyone that i personally usually speak my mind (without thinking) but you make sense, so, what do you think about showing her this thread, because, it only gives a general idea of what i'm thinking, but it doesn't suggest she could be in danger of me jumping (metaphorically) on her & having my way with her ?[ot]please review the previous posts in this thread[/ot]
hmmm, i guess that could go ether way, for one, it might be kinda endearing, but also, it could come off as a little weird, i dunno, i don't know her so its hard for me to say, you'll have to use your judgment as far as that goes. That said, i think at this point it might just be good to let the situation play out a little, just be as normal as possible around her. (be yourself) On that, you know a week or so down the road, if a good moment presents itself, then you might as well bring it up. Honesty never hurt ether, you could just say, hey, maybe i'm misreading the situation but, do you like me?? before she says anything, say something to the effect of its completely ok if i'm wrong about all this don't feel bad/worry (that little part on the end there, generally ether lightens up the air a little bit, or makes it easier for her to just be honest in return, in the event she doesn't like you) Yeah, just a suggestion, but just remember to just be yourself, relax, thats pretty much the best coarse of action regardless.
well, you'll probably be glad to hear that i didn't say anything about it, but, also neither did she, which, is why i'm delaying / holding back i'm thinking that maybe i'm better to be cautious, but, then again this is 2008, so, she's probably heard it before from many people, i think i'm just scared, and i'm not surprised that i'm scared i also think i'm being stupid, i should just tell her what i think & obviously ask here if i'm being stupid and see what happens opinion please
Donky please dont show her this thread. seriously thats a bad move. i agree with swansen. you have to let the situation play out a bit. its too easy for her to shut you down on account of the other guy. try to get to know her. seriously the best relationships start out with a good friendship. my girlfrind and i have the most awesome relationship but we have no "aniversary" at all because there was never an actual date when we "hooked up", i never actually had to ask her out. so seriously just talk to her and try to become her friend and if that works out then eventually things might progress further. other than that all i can say is good luck
ok, i will not tell her yet, about, how long should i wait ? because i don't want to scare her away, so, how long does everybody think ? BTW: thank you everyone who advised me, i really do appreciate it Edit: BTW: i'm thinking she does like me, because, she's said that this is the best job she's ever had, but, i'm still waiting, but, i'm not sure she likes me like that
yeah, again, Donkey, the time frame is pretty much determined by you, i mean a week or so and you will probably have a good idea of how she feels about you, whether its just you, or if there is actually something there, but yeah, i still think the "ask here if i am being stupid" thing still does not seem like a bad idea. SO, rate now i guess do one of two things, just ask her and get it over. (even if she does reject you initally, maybe she will just think it a little more) OR, give it a few weeks, see where thing are, honestly, Donkey, these are YOUR decisions, you have to make them. BUT! just relax man, be calm, i know thats a lot easier said than done, but just chill man, it will be ok.
I can certainly understand how you feel, or something very close that is common to all people who've been lonely. Let me start out by saying that you have value as a unique human being. I don't know you very well on a personal level, but the way I've seen you interact with others here on HWF tells me that you're kind and generous, and have a fair degree of empathy for others. So, don't feel that you're worthless because you're disabled! Your body may not be exactly how you wish it to be, but that is common to nearly everyone to some degree. Remember that the body's merely a temporary conduit for the soul, which lasts a lot longer. I mean, look at what Steven Hawking has accomplished, and he's completely paralyzed from head to toe. Not to say you have to be a genuis to be worthwhile, but that discounting somebody because they're not Adolf Hitler's idea of perfect is just fucking ridiculous, yeah? This is a tough one, since we don't have much in terms of context, and we don't know her at all except from what you've told us so far. But I would caution you of two things. I warn you as a fellow human that this may be difficult to take in, but do not let it discourage you, please. The first is that the lonelier a person is, the more socially needy they become. The second is that this is a catch-22, because the more socially needy a person becomes, the more uncomfortable they can and often will make people around them. Frankly, it sucks, but it's true. So I don't know if this fits your situation or not, but if it does don't let it get in your way. Instead, recognize what's happening and be especially cautious to meter your interaction with people. To put it bluntly, don't act too eager for company if you can help it, or you might scare them away. In this specific situation, what I might do if I was in your shoes is to first and foremost keep the above in mind, and in so doing take "baby steps" towards a relationship with this girl. Whether it ends in friendship or something romantic, at least you won't have scared off somebody you care for by approaching too quickly. In your place, I'd thank you for her kindness towards you. I'd tell her honestly that her company makes you feel like a whole person again, and that you'd appreciate it if you can call her friend. That shouldn't be to threatening to her, and you will have a good opportunity to gauge her reactions. In this situation you don't have to be debonair, merely honest and real. In so doing, you will make yourself vulnerable to some extent which is attractive to good-hearted girls. As far as I can see, approaching cautiously like this can only be good for both of you, because if you care for this person you don't want to cause her harm, right? If all goes well and she reacts very favorably or even persues the issue herself, maybe you could ask her out for lunch or tea sometime soon, or perhaps dinner and a movie. I don't know how much you're able to get out, but public places tend to put people more at ease, especially since she's only known you a couple of weeks. I live to serve. Again, I'd take it very slow at first, and you can mutually feel eachother out, so to speak. Think of her as a wild doe in the woods; if you approach too quickly, you might scare her off, and she'll bolt for the foliage! :x: On the other hand, if you really care for this girl, you won't want to make her uncomfortable, right? So try to put yourself in her shoes as much as possible, and gauge her reactions with sensitivity. It's also very good to ask her questions and get her talking about herself. That will help towards building a friendship of any kind, be it romantic or platonic. Your friend, -Chris (AT)
Matt already said this, but I just want to emphasize, too: don't show her this thread! That would be weird. Girls/women value mental and emotional strength in a man, and that's why women like it when they are asked out. We all know that approaching a woman and opening yourself up and asking her on a date or just telling her you like her is scary. But that's the whole point. When you actually do it, it means something. You showing her this thread would be taking the easy way out. And it would show how you are insecure about this, etc. I'll try to comment more later, but I'm really busy studying. For now, don't rush anything, though. 2 weeks is short.
Extremely short, especially since she has a boyfriend! :x: I wasn't there so cannot say, but the fact that she told you she has a boyfriend in the first place does say something. Is it possible that she didn't want to give you the wrong impression about her intentions? Regardless, you should pursue a friendship if you get along with her. Just remember what we've all said about not startling her.
well, i have to say, i thought i was being stupid, so, when she arrived this morning, i asked her to sit down (personally i was still p1ssed from last night and my mum had arrived, bringing the car so we can use it to go to the cinema) but with still being a lot inebriated (still p1ssed) i wouldn't say what i meant, anyway, later after the film we watched (Semi Pro) we went to BK for some food and when we got in the car i asked her to please wait before setting off (driving) & i said "i think i like you, romantically" to which she replied "where just friends for now" which i obviously don't have a problem with because i've only very recently realized that, what i think or do does actually matter yes, i now know, that's why i originally started this thread, please re read the first post in this thread, so, basically i've said bo11ocks (sorry for that) to you all and done what i want (as usual) but i have to say i'm pleased with the outcome, because she knows i like her & could be interested in her romantically, after i told her i just carried on talking crap (again, as usual) & she obviously continued talking crap, so, all in all i'm happy with the outcome & i'll obviously keep you informed / up to date thank you to everyone for their input on this subject Edit: :agree:, but, she has told me that the spark has gone from her current relationship, so, we'll see Edit: i'd also stop drinking for her, but, i'm not sure about stopping smoking, but, that's getting way to expensive in the UK already, dunno
You know, that probably is a pretty good outcome, actually. That's what it sounds like. If you two just carried on talking as normal, then it seems that you got the message across in an easy, straightforward manner, yet hopefully that didn't scare or put her off. That's good. The important thing now is to not pressure her, not act desperate, not beg for anything, in short -- just relax. The goals are 1.) to look "normal" and secure and 2. to make her feel at ease. So, now that you got the point across, just relax, act normal and don't push things. If she's not ready for "anything to happen", you may only chase her off by trying too hard.
