Laugh and groan with this link.
A few samples:
Co-Worker: “What version of DOS does UNIX run?”
Tech Support: “Am I speaking with Mr. Brown?”
Customer: (in a heavy Italian accent) “Yesss, who eees this?”
Tech Support: “This is technical support. I see you requested to speak to a Mac expert.”
Customer: “And you are theees Mac expert?”
Tech Support: “Yes sir, I am. I see here you’re having trouble receiving e-mail–”
Customer: “Yes, your *&@$% company put me on the phone weeeth a stupid woman who didn’t know @#$% about Macs and she @#$^ up my compoooota.”
Tech Support: “Ok sir, calm down. What specifically is the problem you’re having with email?”
Customer: “Cannot you read, stupid woman? Eeeet should say in the teeeecket.”
Tech Support: “Sir, if you do not cease using abusive langauge and profanity, I shall terminate this call immediately.”
Customer: (mocking tone) “Oooooooh, okay, threatening the customer are we now?”
Tech Support: “Sir, I will repeat my question. What specifically is the problem you are having with email?”
Customer: “Well, every time I go and try to get eeet, it ask me for a pazzword. It never do that before.”
Tech Support: “Do you know your password?”
Customer: “Yes.”
Tech Support: “Did you enter your password?”
Customer: “No.”
Tech Support: (head in hands) “Sir, if it is prompting you for a password, you must enter one to receive your email.”
Customer: “But but but, I never deeeed theees before, and it work FINE.”
Tech Support: “What email client are you using?”
Customer: “Don’t use those big eendustry terms to scaaare me. What is meaning client?”
Tech Support: “What program do you use?”
Customer: “Netscape, I justa download it. I hated that !@#$%@ Eudora.”
Tech Support: “Ok sir, I can help you configure Netscape so it won’t always ask you for your password, but it will ask for it once.”
Customer: “But I never enter a #$!@%-ing password before!”
After much cajoling and gratuitous verbal abuse, he finally consented to let me configure his program. He downloaded his mail and then asked, in a sneering tone:
Customer: “So you are the Mac expert, eh?”
Tech Support: “Well, I’m not certified by Apple or anything, but I do own a Mac, and I do fine on it.”
Customer: “Ok, what ees this Mac TCP DNR file, what does it dooo?”
Tech Support: “Well, the DNR stands for Domain Name Resolver.”
Customer: “Eeees that eeeeeeeet?”
Tech Support: “Sir, if you want the specifics on that particular file, I suggest you contact Apple tech support.”
Customer: “Some @#$%-ing Mac experta you ar-a, you stupid woman!”
Tech Support: “Sir, I must stress to you that being abusive to technical support can result in the loss of service.”
Customer: “Yeah, right-a, som-a stupid woman is-a gonna cancel my account!”
Tech Support: “Consider yourself reported.” (click)
After that, I received a gushing email from a fellow tech who did a check on the guy a few weeks after the call. By his name and encrypted password was the word “cancelled.” Sweet.
Customer: “I would like to buy a game for my kid.”
Salesman: “Sure madam, come with me.”
Customer: “Are these on floppy disks? The boxes are too light.”
Salesman: “Well madam, games are not being released on diskettes any more. They are being released on CDs.”
Customer: “CDs?”
Salesman: “Well, do you know the CDs with music?”
Customer: “Yes?”
Salesman: “Same thing, only it contains a PC game, and we use it in the PC, in the cdrom drive. Do you have a cdrom drive in your PC?”
Customer: “Well, I am not sure. Can I buy it and copy it on a floppy disk and use it from there?”
Salesman: “Well no madam, that’s not possible.”
Customer: “Why?”
Salesman: “It cannot fit in a single floppy disk. It’s too small. The game is made to run from the CD and not from the floppy anyway.”
Customer: “Well, I can use many floppy disks.”
Salesman: “I told you madam, even if you copy it in the disks it won’t work. And anyway you would need many disks to do that. Around 400.”
Customer: “I think I have 400 disks in my home. How much does the game cost?”
Plenty more where that all came from
